When Active Listening Becomes the Death of Deep Listening
In the realm of communication, the LAST model (Listen, Acknowledge, Solve, Thank) stands as a cornerstone, especially in resolving conflicts and building strong relationships. However, the effectiveness of this model hinges on how it’s executed – the difference between a superficial exchange and a meaningful conversation. Let’s break down what good and bad application of the LAST model looks like in everyday interactions.
1. Listen: The Foundation of Understanding
Good Listening: This means truly tuning in, not just to the words but to the emotions and motivations behind them. It’s about giving your full attention, making eye contact, and showing genuine interest. Good listeners pick up on non-verbal cues and read between the lines. Be Be fully present. No distractions.
Bad Listening: It’s when you’re physically present but mentally elsewhere. Bad listening is characterised by frequent interruptions, formulating your response while the other person is still speaking, or focusing solely on the words without grasping the underlying emotions.
2. Acknowledge: The Bridge to Empathy
Good Acknowledgment: Here, you validate the speaker’s feelings and viewpoint. It’s about saying, “I didn’t see things that way. Now I see where you’re coming from, I understand why you feel the way you feel about that?” This doesn’t necessarily mean agreement, but it shows respect for their perspective. “May I ask. Is your position on that set in stone, or are you open to discussion in case there’s something important we’re both missing?”
Bad Acknowledgment: It’s a mere nod or a perfunctory “I hear you” without any real understanding. Worse, it’s using acknowledgment as a quick segue to your own agenda, which can feel dismissive and insincere to the speaker.
3. Solve: The Step Towards Resolution
Good Solving: After thoroughly listening and acknowledging, good problem-solving involves collaborative discussion. It’s about exploring solutions together, asking questions like “How can we address this?” or “What would be a good way forward for us?” or my personal favourite, “What will be good about that?”. (If 40 people tell me they’ll read it, tell me in the comments, I’ll write about developing pain free discovery to propel the buyer towards making the right decision).
Bad Solving: This is jumping to solutions without fully understanding the problem or imposing your solution without buy-in from the other party. It often comes off as rushed or dictatorial and can leave the other person feeling unheard.
Take a moment to calculate the true cost of buying your product or service if you sold it when you shouldn’t.
Your costs + whatever you cost that could have been spent on something else + lost time in realising they made the wrong decision + time lost in taking action on the bad decision + annual £ shortfall incurred by failing to achieve the intended outcome x months/years locked in. Reputation, standing, influence, career path, credibility, judgement, all in question. Is that selling responsibly
4. Thank: The Seal of a Positive Interaction
Good Thanking: This is expressing genuine gratitude for the conversation. Saying “Thank you for sharing this with me” or “I appreciate your honesty” can leave the interaction on a positive and respectful note.
Bad Thanking: A bad thank you is either completely absent, making the conversation feel unfinished, or it’s formulaic and insincere, which can diminish the value of the entire interaction.
In practice, the LAST model is a powerful tool, but its impact depends significantly on the authenticity and intent with which it’s applied. Good use of the model fosters trust, respect, and mutual understanding, paving the way for stronger relationships and effective problem-solving. On the flip side, a poor application can lead to superficial exchanges that fail to address the heart of the matter, leaving issues unresolved and parties dissatisfied.
In our daily interactions, whether in personal or professional contexts, applying the LAST model thoughtfully can transform how we connect and resolve conflicts. It’s about moving beyond the mechanics of communication to the art of meaningful connection. Let’s aim to not just listen but understand, not just acknowledge but empathise, not just solve but collaborate, and not just thank but appreciate. This is the essence of deep and effective communication.
FAQ
Q1: How can I improve my listening skills?
A1: Improving your listening skills starts with being fully present in the conversation. Avoid distractions, maintain eye contact, and show genuine interest. Practice deep listening by asking clarifying questions and summarising what the speaker has said to ensure understanding.
Read Mark Goulston’s excellent book Just Listen. Apply what you learn. Practise daily.
Q2: How can deep listening benefit my sales career?
A2: Deep listening is a game-changer in sales. By truly understanding your clients’ needs and emotions, you can offer contextually relevant, timely, personalised solutions that resonate with them. This builds trust, strengthens relationships, and increases the likelihood of closing deals.
Q3: Can deep listening be learned or is it an innate skill?
A3: Deep listening can be learned and developed with practice. It requires conscious effort to be fully present and attentive in conversations. By honing your listening skills, you can learn to understand others and build meaningful connections effortlessly and without needless friction.
Q4: How can I show empathy while listening deeply?
A4: “All human beings want to be heard, to feel felt and to be understood.” – Dr Mark Goulston
To show empathy, put yourself in the speaker’s shoes and try to understand their emotions and experiences. Reflect their feelings back to them, validate their perspective, and avoid judgment or criticism. Show genuine care and understanding throughout the conversation.
Q5: Is deep listening only applicable in sales and personal relationships?
A5: Deep listening is valuable in all aspects of life. Whether you’re a salesperson, a friend, a partner, or a parent.
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